What's the Meaning of this [Relationship]?!

Relationships are complicated. Even if you go with the mainstream opinion that monogamy is the way to go - you still get difficulties as people progress through life. If someone gets married at 20, most people will change by 30, not to mention the "til death do us part" numbers. Once people share those years together, they learn to adjust to each other and can even miss the quirks that seemed to drive the individual crazy.

But what happens when you add more than just one person? This Sex at Dawn excerpt starts to show how the complexities multiply. The picture just shows the extra pieces, not thinking about all the mental and emotional segments that go with them.

The richness of characters and plots make these shadings intriguing to me. It isn't just that my stories want to explore sex, but it's also the relationships and the entanglements that draw the reader in to bring them new ideas.

I consider myself lucky that the people I know who practice non-monogamy are willing to answer questions about it. And there is definitely an emphasis on the part about people I know part. There are likely more that practice several of those segments from the graphic, like perhaps Don't Ask Don't Tell or Cheating, who wouldn't talk to me about it. My questions are all filled with curiosity and not malice.

With all the possibilities out there, it is a wonder that the mainstream view is monogamy, isn't it? It must be an assumption we get from our formative years. Is it because most of our parents and grandparents practice it? Because we hear about it in the religious gatherings? Because so often those who fill that graph with all the colors are the ones who keep quietest about their activities?

Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but that would translate to love being in the heart of the relationship. It doesn't matter with whom you celebrate it - but rather that you do it. How much more interesting would our society be if we allowed a spectrum in place of the black-and-white choices? It's not about gay vs straight or monogamy vs polygamy or ever right vs wrong. Choices decide who we are and how we love. Love is the most important part - to do it and feel it and share it. And, as I hope for the erotica gig, read it!

On Writing Sex Scenes

I appreciated this HuffingtonPost article about a tongue in cheek way to write a sex scene.

I think it's hard to write a good sex scene. There are so many things that go into it, like whether you're trying to excite or repel or even if you just want to make a statement. Every word chosen goes toward the effect of the entire scene. It isn't just point of view or the specific actions that take place.

And don't get me started on the people who close the door on the reader when sex might occur. Or, maybe you should.

Take sex itself: It's as different as the people who come together to screw. Some cannot fathom doing it one way and some can't be talked out that specific position or fetish or anything else you might imagine. It says something about who we are. Those things also tell our readers even more about our characters.

When you shut the door and let the characters do their thing - it's saying something about the author, and not just the characters. Whether they have sex or not is up to them, but if and how you describe it should also be up to them.

Some stories need the sex scenes. I'm not just talking about the erotica or pornography bits where the author's trying to get a rise out of the reader. Sometimes the epiphany happens during sex - just like in real life. If you deprive your reader of the character's AHA! moment, you haven't done anyone any favors.

Maybe the question ought to be, do you need that scene? Does the reader need to know that the main character and her husband have dutiful sex every night? It does if it changes her at some point. No, not every scene needs to be true to their lives - feel free to cut every snippet that doesn't lead to the big moment of change - but really examine the story being told to give an idea about what needs to be in there.

I wrote a novel that wasn't erotica. [That happens occasionally. I haven't written a full erotica novel yet, but it might happen one day.] There were a couple important sex scenes to show in that novel, though. Each one contributed to the main character's fall and showed her changing views through the novel. There aren't very many, four at most, but each one shows something a little different happening and her reaction to the change.

I listen to authors and publishers who think all sex is gratuitous and should never be shown. While some of them seem to be mired in overly religious views that do not seem to be separable from their author selves, it makes me wonder if those ingrained beliefs begin from other places. So are extremely religious people doomed to keep up their faith through stories? I'm really curious if the "good" authors are able to separate themselves from their core beliefs or if it is another form of author intrusion, this time insinuating into the characters themselves... If anyone has examples, I'd love to know about them.

So perhaps that is a failing of mine, that I enjoy exploring in this niche of sexuality and its expression. It isn't always about making my readers immediately excuse themselves to masturbate, though that is sometimes my goal. Sometimes it's about expressing something that doesn't always get said and showing that through the characters and how they love or not.

Think about how those one-night stands really differ from the true love types. Or how one night with your spouse is so much more memorable than another. Or why one type of encounter turns you on in a different way than all the others. Most of the time we don't learn anything from our sexual encounters, but there are times it really sticks in your head. Is that appropriate for a story? Can you separate your own life from the character you want to write about in order to express that epiphany? Do you think you can stretch it from the one side of straight pornography to the other of twisted erotica with the same events but change the views of the characters involved and how the reader gets to understand them to pull out those other ideas?

I can't stop exploring the richness of sex in stories, at least. My characters range as far as I can imagine, and each of them has individual opinions that must be expressed. I would like to say my core beliefs do not intrude, but I'm sure they do here and there. Someone would have to read them all to figure it out, but no one's done that yet. Now and then I find someone extremely good at reading between the lines and it makes me a little nervous to send stories - but I do it anyway. It's good for the muse.

Always Another Challenge

The more we put challenges in front of ourselves with the expectation to do something with them, the more we will accomplish. Well, maybe it's better to just say that is how I manage. I set high standards for myself and I reach to achieve them. 

So the end of 2011 is going to see the end of something else - me not submitting new stories out to be published. It's been a long time since I sent anything out. I know, I had the acceptance in September. But before that, I had submitted nothing this year. 

Nothing. I will admit I looked around a little, but it's disheartening to think all of the stories that I have written and not done something with. Okay, some of them have gone to friends to enjoy - and luckily they're very kind with their responses. 

So last night I sent out another story. I struggled so much with a title and a bio. Those shouldn't be the difficult things. Okay, titles I'll give you as a bummer; they either come to me or I struggle horribly with them and get people to make suggestions. 

Total for 2011: 2 submissions and 1 acceptance. [Will let everyone know the status of the other one when I find out.] 

Next year, I have to believe I can manage to do better. I should be able to manage at least one submission a month. I have a few stories that are ready, or very close to being ready, to go out to publishers. I've been researching several markets and I know there are matches out there.

I've also been thinking about self-publishing a collection of short stories. That gets into difficult decisions, though, like whether to put them according to erotic interest (kink, vanilla, gay, straight, mind-boggling...) or to just mix them together. If anyone has suggestions, I'd love to hear them. 

Here's for something better in 2012. Wishing the best to all of you, as well. 

Of Writing Dreams

First, writing a dream is always difficult because dreams don't always make sense once you wake up. They're bits and pieces of thoughts and somehow they flow together great with the subconscious mind, but when the logic kicks in everything falls apart. Or at least enough to realize there isn't a true plot line.

Without a solid plot, images can still be taken to create new things. I keep having an image haunt me during dreams, and that follows the inspiration in my daily writing. The problem is, I don't like having so many stories focused around the same kind of thing, plus I can't seem to write that image out. I'm not sure why my obsession has latched on to one particular focus.

Sometimes the lack of variety makes me a little annoyed and that blocks the flow of creativity. So should I just go with it? I don't have to polish all the snippets I write to try to publish them. I find it odd that it keeps cropping up, though. It managed two or three times during the November writings and a few more times this month. A couple of them I just went with, because I can manage a couple of anything. But there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

I probably need to go find another inspiration. Any takers for that challenge?

And After NaNoWriMo...

I mentioned I prepped 44 short story ideas during the month of October.

Well, I attempted 17 short stories. Attempted is an interested word to use here, because it didn't help that November 1st came by and then I got a prompt from a friend that I simply could not refuse. I would have written it down for later, but it kept circling in my head until I wrote it.

And I'm promising to share that lovely gamer story with a bunch of my friends as soon as I reread it and make sure the sex didn't get out of hand in that 4000 word story.

Five of the attempted stories were not stories I had prepped in October. One was a rewrite from a story I have had out trying to publish, and I finally figured out my angle for a rewrite request I got three years ago. (Yes, even I am rolling my eyes at that one. It should never take three years!) Two were little snippets while I had a weekend that was troublesome to even get computer access. And the other two popped out of my head practically fully formed and I couldn't say no. Three of these are not yet finished, but they're coming along.

The other twelve were stories I'd prepared. Some of them took left turns while I was writing them. They aren't all finished, but I've been continuing writing into this month because I want to finish them. Most of them are ready to re-read and edit.

So I suppose I ought to be starting to bug some readers, but it's also the holidays and I'm not sure how much time they have. I'd better ask if I want to get them publication-ready soon. Then there's the question: How many of them read my blog?

October Challenge!

I managed. One short story idea, some of them not completely prepped but at least they're in there, per day for the month of October. Most of them have characters and a plot with some meat on the bones. I guess you never know what you're capable of until you put it together, right?

For this month: 44 short stories. Unless I come up with another idea tonight, and sometimes they roll that way. Part of a dream is still haunting me from last night but I didn't have words to bring it to the surface. I did push myself for one every day, even when I was ahead from some days that spawned up to 5 ideas.

Life and love are beautiful, and I hope I can capture the complexities in my writings in the near future. And, of course, share them with you.

Nearly November

That means my challenge is just about complete. So far I'm sticking ahead of the thing, though a few days were a little harder than others. I'm sitting at 36 stories prepped, though one of them seems like it should be split for two different ones because the pieces I scribbled about it are not related and probably shouldn't be. Number 37 is brewing in my head for today, too, because I got a tweet from a friend and it's not leaving my mind now.

Thanks for following along. Almost done with the month and my challenge. Then I'll get to WRITE!