On Writing Sex Scenes

I appreciated this HuffingtonPost article about a tongue in cheek way to write a sex scene.

I think it's hard to write a good sex scene. There are so many things that go into it, like whether you're trying to excite or repel or even if you just want to make a statement. Every word chosen goes toward the effect of the entire scene. It isn't just point of view or the specific actions that take place.

And don't get me started on the people who close the door on the reader when sex might occur. Or, maybe you should.

Take sex itself: It's as different as the people who come together to screw. Some cannot fathom doing it one way and some can't be talked out that specific position or fetish or anything else you might imagine. It says something about who we are. Those things also tell our readers even more about our characters.

When you shut the door and let the characters do their thing - it's saying something about the author, and not just the characters. Whether they have sex or not is up to them, but if and how you describe it should also be up to them.

Some stories need the sex scenes. I'm not just talking about the erotica or pornography bits where the author's trying to get a rise out of the reader. Sometimes the epiphany happens during sex - just like in real life. If you deprive your reader of the character's AHA! moment, you haven't done anyone any favors.

Maybe the question ought to be, do you need that scene? Does the reader need to know that the main character and her husband have dutiful sex every night? It does if it changes her at some point. No, not every scene needs to be true to their lives - feel free to cut every snippet that doesn't lead to the big moment of change - but really examine the story being told to give an idea about what needs to be in there.

I wrote a novel that wasn't erotica. [That happens occasionally. I haven't written a full erotica novel yet, but it might happen one day.] There were a couple important sex scenes to show in that novel, though. Each one contributed to the main character's fall and showed her changing views through the novel. There aren't very many, four at most, but each one shows something a little different happening and her reaction to the change.

I listen to authors and publishers who think all sex is gratuitous and should never be shown. While some of them seem to be mired in overly religious views that do not seem to be separable from their author selves, it makes me wonder if those ingrained beliefs begin from other places. So are extremely religious people doomed to keep up their faith through stories? I'm really curious if the "good" authors are able to separate themselves from their core beliefs or if it is another form of author intrusion, this time insinuating into the characters themselves... If anyone has examples, I'd love to know about them.

So perhaps that is a failing of mine, that I enjoy exploring in this niche of sexuality and its expression. It isn't always about making my readers immediately excuse themselves to masturbate, though that is sometimes my goal. Sometimes it's about expressing something that doesn't always get said and showing that through the characters and how they love or not.

Think about how those one-night stands really differ from the true love types. Or how one night with your spouse is so much more memorable than another. Or why one type of encounter turns you on in a different way than all the others. Most of the time we don't learn anything from our sexual encounters, but there are times it really sticks in your head. Is that appropriate for a story? Can you separate your own life from the character you want to write about in order to express that epiphany? Do you think you can stretch it from the one side of straight pornography to the other of twisted erotica with the same events but change the views of the characters involved and how the reader gets to understand them to pull out those other ideas?

I can't stop exploring the richness of sex in stories, at least. My characters range as far as I can imagine, and each of them has individual opinions that must be expressed. I would like to say my core beliefs do not intrude, but I'm sure they do here and there. Someone would have to read them all to figure it out, but no one's done that yet. Now and then I find someone extremely good at reading between the lines and it makes me a little nervous to send stories - but I do it anyway. It's good for the muse.