A Writer Issue

Do you ever look around at people you know and think writers might be a dime a dozen? Do you ever think that because you know someone published - one of those elusive author type of writers - that they must be at least a certain caliber of writer?

I know writers, published and not, that have all levels of skill. Self-published has become something of an opening for all writers to be read, to be shared, and to be reviewed. Traditional publishing (in this case anything that pays you and takes care of the details) might be called outdated by some, but it is also an obvious sign that someone has been trying to get published. It's hard, and it takes a great deal of work to find the market that fits your manuscript.

But whether indie or traditional, most writers start talking about their work at some point. We spread word of mouth through our families, friends, and acquaintances. We do book signings and author or book events and we hope that someone likes our work.

Somehow that gets a little more complicated as soon as what you write is erotica. It's not easy to even start with the entire "hi, I write erotica." Sure, I write. Though my best friend had to save her party when I announced for the first time that I got a story published - dark erotica. I know it was the last two words that made everyone silent.

It's just so hard to gauge a reaction like that. I know not everyone is a fan of anything that might be called dark erotica. I also know that even if a person doesn't like that particular story, they generally will say it is well-written.

So how do you go about sharing this with your nearest and dearest? "Hi, honey, today I decided to write a story about sex," might just get you more than you bargained for. At least, that's what some think happens. In some cases it leads to a sweeping generalization that you must be writing porn.

It's difficult to explain the differences between erotica and porn. Many times the words can be used interchangeably, but at least some try to draw a line and stay on one side. I'll admit I've written both, though I prefer the erotica side. Porn has become a word that implies sex for the sake of sex, so as writers we attempt to reclaim the erotica label to give the reader the understanding that there will be conflict, tension, and actual reasons to get into bed together spiced throughout the tale. I believe there is a place for both, and there's nothing wrong with writing either.

However, I do wish that a few less people would take the "I write erotica" admission as flirtation. I don't think the other genres (though perhaps some romance writers can understand it) have this problem. I'm admitting something, and it might mean you're special to me. It also might mean I have a different idea about sex and its role in our society than any person who would use that as a pickup line.

Wait. That might make a fun story. Erotica writer as a pickup line rather than as someone who actually writes it. I'm sure there are enough people with pen names who wouldn't take credit for their own work that it could actually fly.

Thoughts about Friends

Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver and the other is gold.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

So often these little sayings are bandied about to children. Do we grow up believing them? Why, then, is everyone so surprised when someone acts nice and treats another with respect and care?

As children approach adulthood, we hear other phrases:

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Blood runs thicker than water.

It is always the people closest, whether family or friends, who feel the fallout when someone vanishes from daily life, whether it is from a move to a new home or a death. While we are told as youngsters to cherish those close to us, we are also split apart from them as we get older.

It seems simpler in books. If you don't like the sister, write her out. The best friend has become too much of a frenemy, so you write her into a new romance to leave the protagonist bereft of even the competitive spirit of their relationship. The romantic interest becomes boring, and you pen in another hobby like skydiving.

Yet it leaves me wondering about the people left behind. If my character moves, she knows what she's leaving behind and she faces what comes next. If her friend moves, she thinks she'll keep in touch through Herculean efforts. In real life, each of them finds a new daily norm and settles into a routine with people who are local. Give the moved girl a marriage in a bit of time (with the traditional name change) and she'll be all but unfindable.

My brain is centered today on the concept of trying to find the way back home for a protagonist who left at a young age. She might be recognizable to some of the people who knew her well, but perhaps not. Her motivation isn't the most innocent, and she's going to encounter resistance before she finishes her plan.

Yet what would it take to make someone unrecognizable? How many years before the memory has faded from those closest to her? How much can a name change before they assume she is someone else? Think of people who moved away from your past, or the people you left if you were the one who moved: even with social media we can't always find the people who meant something to us.

I suppose what I'm wondering today is, what does it take to completely disappear?

One last thought: All is fair in love and war.

In Case of Editing-

Send help. Lots of help.

Somehow I just have trouble to figure out how to stay on it, to stay focused, to stay with the forward momentum.

I don't know why I can't figure out what it takes to keep me editing. Tomorrow is another day to try again.