Sex and Gender

Once, I was reading an advice bit from an erotica author (not professional). At the time, I had so much trouble figuring out the real issues I had with what she said.

She said she had written stories from different points of view: straight woman, gay woman, straight man, gay man. And that meant she had done it all.

Gender is a spectrum. So often people view it as a box to be checked. If not one, then the other. It's just like viewing everything in black and white- and there are therapists out there to help people deal with that difficulty.

The Kinsey Scale was one of the first to explore this idea, that there was not just a heterosexual and homosexual category, but that people might be better categorized by points on a line.

I laughed when one of my acquaintances talked about how he'd go bi for Antonio Banderas, but I love that he's comfortable enough with himself to say it. So many men don't seem to be. And yet most of the women I know have that one admission even if they're straight.

Which makes me think about our society. Why is that permissible for women and not for men? Why has it been more okay for women to have a list of other women that they find fascinating, but men refuse to admit any feelings of the sort for other men?

(Except, of course, that women are amazing, awesome creatures.)

Oh, and now I have a topic for more research: What does it say about a person (call him Guy) when he's attracted to a specific attribute? What does it mean when Guy decides it's okay to break gender norms (meaning what he normally finds attractive) for one other - like Antonio Banderas? And what does that choice say about Guy?

There are a lot more things in my head about that. Sex doesn't just happen in twos. Sex doesn't just happen between a man and a woman, or a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. Sex isn't always monogamous or exclusive. And gender doesn't have to be the only factor. Some people are not comfortable identifying with either - it goes so much deeper than just what genitals are attached to a body. Which makes that a topic for another post... soon.